There is a particular kind of Sunday evening dread that children carry in August.
Not just Sunday evenings. Increasingly, the whole month. The awareness that school is coming — that the freedom of summer is narrowing toward an end — sits on the edge of every good day like a shadow. Some children carry it quietly. Some carry it loudly, in the form of outbursts and clingy behaviour and suddenly not being able to sleep. Some carry it with bravado that fools everyone, including themselves, until the first morning of September arrives and they cannot get out of the car.
Back-to-school anxiety is one of the most common and most underacknowledged challenges that children face. And it tends to get dismissed as normal nerves — which it often is — in ways that prevent parents from doing the very simple, very effective things that can make a significant difference.
Let's talk about those things today.
Why School Transitions Are Hard
The research on school transitions is actually quite clear on this: transitions are hard because of uncertainty, not because school itself is bad. What children struggle with is the unknown. The questions they cannot yet answer. The scenarios they are running in their heads without enough information to resolve them.
This is true at every age — but the specific worries change. A seven-year-old worries about whether they will be able to find the bathroom. A twelve-year-old starting middle school worries about their locker combination and whether their friend group will survive the new class arrangements. A fifteen-year-old worries about whether they belong, whether anyone will want to eat lunch with them, whether the new teacher will like them.
The antidote to uncertainty is information. Not reassurance — information. "It will be fine" does not resolve the uncertainty. "Let's go see where your classroom is so you know exactly where to walk on the first day" does.
The School Tour: One of the Best Things You Can Do
If your child's school allows it — and many actively encourage it in the weeks before school starts — take them for a visit before the first day. Not a formal orientation. Just a walk-around.
Here is what to cover, adjusted for your child's age and specific worries:
- Where is their classroom (or home room, or schedule of rooms)?
- Where is the bathroom nearest to their classroom?
- Where is their locker? Can they practise the combination before Day 1?
- Where do they go if they feel unwell — the office, the nurse?
- Where is the guidance counsellor, and what do they do?
- Where does the bus pick up and drop off? Or where does the parent drop-off and pick-up zone operate?
- Where is the cafeteria? What does the lunch routine look like?
- What are the rules in the gymnasium changing room? (For older children starting a new school, this is a genuine source of anxiety that adults routinely forget.)
- Where do clubs and teams post their information? How do you sign up?
You will not be able to answer every question. That is okay. The goal is not to eliminate uncertainty entirely — it is to reduce the number of unknowns your child has to navigate simultaneously on the first day.
Let Them Name the Worries
Children are often carrying worries that they have not put into words — not because they are hiding them, but because they do not have the language for them yet, or because they have already been told once that "it will be fine" and learned that this is not a space where worry is welcome.
Create the space. Not a formal conversation. Not "tell me your feelings." Just: "I remember that last year you were nervous about X. What's the thing you're most not sure about this year?"
Some children will have a list ready. Some will shrug and then tell you something big ten minutes later in the car. Some will not tell you until September 3rd. All of that is okay. The question is the invitation, and the invitation matters.
Common worries by age that are worth gently asking about:
Elementary (Grades 1–6):
- Who will I sit with at lunch?
- What if I can't find my class?
- What if my teacher is strict?
- What if the work is too hard?
- What if my best friend isn't in my class?
Middle School (Grades 6–8):
- How do I work the locker?
- What if I'm late to class because I can't find it?
- What are the unwritten rules I don't know yet?
- Will I have anyone to eat with?
- What do I wear on the first day?
High School (Grades 9–12):
- Where do I fit?
- Am I taking the right courses?
- What if I've grown apart from my friends over the summer?
- What if the work is harder than I can handle?
First Day Logistics: The More Specific, the Better
For many children — particularly those who are neurodivergent, anxious by nature, or entering a new school — the logistics of the first day are a major source of stress. Walking through these specifically and concretely, not generically, helps enormously.
- What are they wearing? (Yes, this matters. Deciding this in advance removes one variable on the morning.)
- What is in their bag? Pack it together the night before.
- What is the drop-off plan? Where exactly does the car stop? What do they do next?
- What time does school start? What time are they leaving the house?
- What is the plan if something goes wrong — if they feel sick, if they can't find something, if something unexpected happens?
Children who have a concrete plan for "what do I do if things go sideways" are meaningfully less anxious than children who are carrying an open-ended "I hope it's okay."
Clubs, Teams, and Making Friends in a New Place
For children who are new to a school, or who are navigating a changed social landscape, extracurriculars are genuinely one of the most evidence-supported ways to build new connections. The reason is simple: shared activity is a low-pressure context for friendship. You do not have to make conversation — you have a task in common.
If your child is nervous about the social side of the new year:
- Look at the school's club and team list before September and identify one or two that might fit. Having this knowledge in advance reduces the feeling that "everyone else knows what's going on and I don't."
- Remind your child that everyone in a new activity is looking for the same thing — to belong. They are not the only one who does not know people yet.
- Lower the bar: they are not looking for a best friend on the first day. They are looking for someone to sit beside who seems okay.
π You cannot protect your child from every first-day moment. But you can send them in with fewer unknowns, a plan for when things go sideways, and the knowledge that whatever happens, you are on the other side of it waiting. That is enough.
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π₯ Free Download: The Back-to-School Jitters Toolkit A preparation guide with a school tour checklist, conversation starters for naming worries, a first-day logistics template, and a stressor inventory for children of all ages. Enter your email and I will send it to your inbox.
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Let's Talk
What was your child's biggest back-to-school worry this year — or in years past? And what helped? Share below. Your answer might be exactly what another parent needs today.
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