Quick Takeaways
You will get a clear, kind way to look at your current job and see what it actually gives and costs you.
You will get simple safety checks for money, health, and family support so you do not leap because of one terrible Tuesday.
You will get language and next steps to help you decide whether you stay, build quietly on the side, or plan a future shift.
Some days you dreams about sliding your work key across the desk and walking straight out the door.
You picture closing your laptop, heading home, and never answering another message that starts with “Just one quick thing.”
Then you remember rent or mortgage payments, children’s shoes, prescriptions, and the fact that there is no mysterious extra adult who will pay the power bill. Your stomach drops, and you tell yourself, “I am stuck.”
This post is here to offer a third option: you are not stuck, and you also do not need to leap without a parachute. You can build a plan that is brave and careful at the same time.
Let us meet two versions of you.
Version one is “Bad Day You.”
It is a Wednesday. You arrive at work already tired. A supervisor piles last-minute tasks on your desk. A co-worker makes a comment that lands like a stone in your chest. A parent or client sends a message that feels unfair.
Your whole body says, “Enough.”
On your break, you open your notes app and type, “I am going to quit. I will figure it out later.” You scroll past posts that say things like “Leap and the net will appear” and “You only live once.”
It sounds almost holy. It definitely sounds better than your desk.
Version two is “Middle of the Night You.”
It is three in the morning. You wake up thinking about the same decision, but the room feels different.
You see the faces of your children. You see the number in your bank account. You remember the time it took to find this job, the health coverage it gives, the stability it has offered in hard years.
You whisper, “What if I make a terrible mistake.”
Both versions are understandable. Neither version has the full picture.
One mother I will call Maya lived this in real time.
She worked in community services. She was kind, competent, and deeply worn down. She had a dream of offering her own online support programs for parents, but the gap between “dream” and “paying the rent” felt like the Grand Canyon.
After a particularly harsh meeting, she sat in her car and sobbed. For a moment, she seriously considered quitting that day. She could feel the relief of walking away like a cool wave over hot skin.
Instead of handing in a sudden resignation, she made a deal with herself.
She said, “I do not make life-changing decisions on the worst day. I will create safety checks and decide from a clearer place.”
Over the next month, she:
- Listed what her job truly gave her family: income, health coverage, predictable hours, a sense of purpose, and stress.
- Wrote down the bare minimum amount of money she needed each month for essentials.
- Started tracking how many hours she actually had for a side project without harming her sleep.
- Tested her business idea with three small paid sessions before making any big decisions.
Her job did not magically become wonderful. There were still hard days. But the decision moved from “rage quit or stay forever” to “stay while I build a bridge.”
Two years later, she left that job. Not because she snapped, but because the numbers, the support, and her nervous system all said, “Now we are ready.”
Your timing will look different. Your circumstances are unique. What you deserve, however, is the same: a decision made from a place of wise care, not panic.
The Lesson
Wanting out is not a flaw. It is often your body and soul telling you that something is not working.
At the same time, the bravest move is not always an immediate leap. Sometimes the bravest move is staying a little longer while you quietly build the safety you and your children need.
Sticky line:
Bravery is not just leaping. Bravery is protecting your future self while you build the bridge.
What Is Really Going On
Truth One: Financial stress can harm health and family life.
Research shows that long-term money stress is linked to anxiety, depression, relationship conflict, and physical health problems. When income drops suddenly without a plan, stress often spikes, especially in households with children.
Why this matters: Leaving a job without a safety plan can create a different kind of crisis, even if you escape the current one.
Takeaway: Any plan to leave a job needs to consider more than feelings in the moment. It needs to consider food, housing, safety, and health.
Truth Two: Jobs can harm health too.
High-pressure or toxic workplaces can also damage mental and physical health. People dealing with bullying, harassment, or unsafe conditions often have higher rates of stress-related illness.
Why this matters: Staying forever in a job that is harming you is not safer. It simply spreads the cost over a longer time.
Takeaway: The goal is not “stay forever or leap immediately.” The goal is “stabilise, plan, and then move when safety and health both line up.”
Truth Three: Brains handle change better when there is a clear plan.
Human brains like some predictability. When everything feels uncertain, the brain can go into high alert. That is why a written plan with simple steps can reduce anxiety, even if the outside situation is still changing.
Why this matters: Putting numbers and options on paper is not cold. It is a kindness to your future self.
Takeaway: A clear plan helps your thinking brain stay online so your emotional brain does not have to carry everything alone.
Tools You Can Use Today
Step One: Take a gentle snapshot of what your job gives you
On one page, write “What my job gives us.”
List things such as:
- Regular income.
- Health coverage, if that applies to you.
- Retirement or pension contributions, if that applies to you.
- A schedule that allows you to be home at certain times.
- A certain number of paid days off.
- A sense of identity, if that matters for you.
Then list what it costs you:
- Your energy level.
- Your sleep.
- Your time with children.
- Your mental health.
- Your sense of safety or dignity.
If you live in a multigenerational home or have cultural expectations around work, include those realities too.
This is not about deciding yet. It is about seeing clearly.
Step Two: Write your bare-minimum monthly number
On a new page, write “Essential monthly needs.”
List:
- Housing.
- Food.
- Heat and electricity.
- Transportation.
- Basic phone or internet.
- Minimum payments on debt.
- Essential medical needs.
Total this amount. This is your “we stay afloat” number, not your “thriving and comfortable” number.
If money tracking is stressful, ask a trusted person to sit with you while you write this. You can also use a simple calculator if numbers feel overwhelming.
Step Three: Decide on a safety cushion size
Ask yourself, “If my income changed, how many months of essential expenses would help me sleep at night.”
For some families, that might be three months. For some, especially single parents or families without other income, it might be more. For families facing urgent harm at work, it might not be realistic to wait for a large cushion, but clarity still helps.
Write a sentence:
“My safety cushion goal is enough for ______ months of essentials.”
Do not panic if that number feels far away. You are naming a direction, not setting a deadline.
Step Four: Check your business or new career readiness
For your business idea or new path, ask four questions and answer honestly:
- Have I already helped real people with this, even for free or in small ways.
- Do I know roughly what I would charge, based on what people in my area can pay.
- Do I have any proof that people will actually pay for this.
- Do I know how many hours I can give each week without harming my health.
If most answers are “not yet,” that is information. It suggests a “build while staying” season, not a leap.
Step Five: Choose your current stance: Stay, build, or prepare to shift
Based on what you have written, choose one of these for the next six to twelve months:
- “I will stay in this job while I stabilise my health and money, and I will treat that as an active choice, not a sentence.”
- “I will stay and deliberately build my small project on the side, using the five-hour plan from earlier posts.”
- “I will begin preparing to leave within a set time frame because my job is harming me, and I will gather support and a cushion as best I can.”
Write your chosen sentence somewhere you can see it. This gives your brain a story that is clearer than “I am trapped.”
Step Six: Set a review date
Change feels safer when you know you will check in again.
Choose a date three months from now and write, “On this date, I will review my safety checks and see what has changed.”
Put it in your calendar. You are telling your future self, “I will not abandon you in this decision.”
If you are neurodivergent, you might add a reminder on your phone with an alarm and a kind label such as “Future check-in, not a test.”
Real-Life Scripts
Script for a partner or close adult
You: “I have been thinking a lot about leaving my job and I have felt pulled between wanting to walk out and being terrified.”
Partner: “I feel that tension too.”
You: “I am working through some safety checks so we can make a thoughtful decision. I want to talk through our essential monthly needs, a safety cushion goal, and what my side project might realistically earn before we make any big moves.”
Script for a supportive friend who says, “Just leap”
Friend: “You only live once. Just quit. You are amazing. You will figure it out.”
You: “I really appreciate your belief in me. Because I have children and bills, I need to balance courage with safety. I am working through a safety checklist so I can leap later without putting us into crisis now.”
Script for a manager about adjusting hours
You: “I am committed to doing my job well, and I am also managing a very full life at home. I am exploring the possibility of reduced hours or a different schedule that would allow me to keep contributing here while protecting my health. Could we discuss options for a trial period.”
Pitfalls and What To Do Instead
Pitfall: Making a final decision on the worst day.
Instead: Use a rule such as “No life decisions on meltdown days.” Write your plan down and revisit it once you have eaten, slept, and calmed.
Pitfall: Waiting until there is zero fear.
Instead: Accept that some fear means you care. Aim for “well-informed, supported, and scared but steady,” not “fearless.”
Pitfall: Keeping everything in your head.
Instead: Put your numbers, options, and thoughts on paper. A messy page is better than a spinning brain.
Pitfall: Comparing yourself to people whose life circumstances are very different.
Instead: Remember that some people have family money, partners with high income, or no dependents. Your timeline is not slower. It is wiser for your reality.
Micro-Practice (Five Minutes This Week)
Goal: Move from vague dread to clearer awareness.
Actions:
- Draw three columns on a page and label them: “What my job protects,” “What my job costs,” and “What my dream might offer.”
- Spend three minutes filling them with short sentences.
- Spend two minutes just looking at the page with your hand over your heart, noticing that all three things can be true at once.
Done looks like this: You feel a little less tangled, because the feelings are now written down where you can see them.
Talk To Your People (Advocacy)
You can adapt this message for a financial counsellor, elder, or trusted advisor:
“I am considering a future shift from my current job into a different type of work. Because I am responsible for children and household costs, I want to make decisions that are brave and safe. I am working through a safety checklist that includes our essential monthly needs, a safety cushion, and testing my new work idea. I would value your guidance on what I might be missing and how to protect our stability while I build.”
Gentle Guardrails
- If your workplace is abusive or unsafe, your safety comes first. Reach out to local support services, legal advice, or a trusted organization to explore options.
- If you are in deep burnout, your first project may need to be rest and healing. It is very hard to grow a new path from complete exhaustion.
- Do not risk housing, food, or safety for a business idea that has never been tested, unless there is truly no safer option.
- You are allowed to change your mind. Deciding to stay longer while you build does not mean you are weak. It means you are wise.
Community Triggers
Comment question one: When you think about leaving or changing your job, what is your biggest hope and your biggest fear.
zComment question two: Which of the three stances feels closest to you right now: stay and stabilize, stay and build, or prepare to shift.
You can also respond with a number.
Write “one” if you are in a “stay and stabilize” season.
Write “two” if you are in a “stay and build quietly” season.
Write “three” if you are preparing for a shift in the next year.
Save and share nudge:
Save this post for the next day when you feel tempted to walk out of work with no plan. Share it with a mother who needs permission to be both brave and careful.
One Call To Action
You do not have to juggle feelings, numbers, and “what ifs” alone.
Download the Stay or Shift Safety Checklist for Mothers.
You will receive:
- A simple page to list what your job gives and costs your family.
- A worksheet to calculate your essential monthly number and a safety cushion goal.
- A short readiness check for your new work idea, with space to set your three-month review date.
You can complete it in under an hour and return to it whenever your job thoughts feel tangled.
Link: https://thrivemommacoaching.com/resources/stay-or-shift-safety-checklist
Credits and Sources
This post is informed by:
- Research on the effects of money stress on mental and physical health and on family relationships.
- Workplace and public health information on the impact of high-pressure or unsafe jobs on well-being.
- Behaviour science writing that explains how written plans and clear next steps support calmer decision making.
